More waiting….

UGH. I hate talking to him on the phone. I get all nervous like I’m talking to a first boyfriend for the first time or…like I have my entire family’s future in someone else’s hands. He was in a good mood. I had written him a note about the surrogate and my reasons for not understanding why she would not be a candidate. He is planning to take my note to a meeting with the other doctors to discuss the matter as a group. He didn’t give me much hope but I told him that this is my only option. I also reiterated that I do not think a singleton in her body would be a problem. I discussed my own issues maintaining a pregnancy and of course opened up another can of worms – he won’t transfer two to me (if it gets to that which I sincerely hope it does not). The bottom line for me is that I do not want to be 50 and still making babies. He laughed and told me that I wouldn’t….but if I can’t have a surrogate then who is going to give birth to them? Me.

So he is going to let them read my letter – which was pretty good. I’d post it but don’t want to reveal too much about her so we’ll leave it at that. Back to waiting.

I did reiterate that she is my only option. Hopefully that will get him to reconsider? I hope so.

Happy Tuesday!


Now I am mad. And more…

So it doesn’t take much to get me going these days…but the nasty review on Carolyn Savage’s book (check out amazon or under her book) – it is the most recent review with 3 stars and is an UGLY attack on a good woman. I am just seeing red about it. She is a friend, as I’ve mentioned, and does not deserve such crap. Anyway, check out her book. It tells a poignant story and if any human being deserved to have the family that she wants it is her and her husband Sean. Why don’t people get it?

Back to my ranting. I have seen so many autistic kids lately. I’ve recently admitted two on the spectrum to my school (both high functioning but need help socializing). The parents are so desperate to help their kids. So I’m reading everything about it and of course potential food issues behind it. Let me diverge a bit and talk about the food we are eating. It is on my mind and should be on yours too. I’m halfway convinced that my consumption of dairy/gluten is to blame for a lot of things and going to give the paleo diet a try. I’m not a huge fan of fads but I am all for sustainable, organic, healthy options for me and for my family. If you are trying to get pregnant – cut out all fish (to be safe) and limit your carbs. One in 55 boys are now affected. That screams environmental exposure in my opinion. We can start by demanding that the food we eat carry labels on it – no mystery names for carcinogens. I’ll post more as I see fit but this is still very much a blog about CCRM, MICROARRAY, CGH and seeing if a 44 year old can kick odds to the curb blog. But there has to be a what if in all events? It could be a food blog? A conspiracy theory blog? But not a baby blog. I’ll always be infertile even if my family is complete (which, by the way, is up to the family – sending love to the Savages for being rockstar parents).

Check this out: (EDITED TO REMOVE THE WORD MOM – you don’t have to be a MOM to care about our food and…every woman who wants to be a mother is a childless MOM – I digress).

PEOPLE have a right to know what they feed their families.

Take action today

Ask a PERSON in your life to contact the FDA and help us reach 1.2 million supporters NOW!

EDITED TO ADD – SORRY I LET THE M DAY and MOM thing get past me – won’t happen again.

Dear Suzanne,

My youngest daughter’s face began to swell shut at breakfast one day – and I had no idea why. We were only eating waffles, scrambled eggs, and tubes of blue yogurt…so what was happening to her?

Before my daughter had a violent allergic reaction that morning, I honestly hadn’t given a lot of thought to what I fed my kids. I mean, if it was on grocery store shelves, it was all the same, right?

But since then, like so many PEOPLE, I learned that there are all kinds of new ingredients in our foods that weren’t in what we ate as kids. That’s why we need labels.

More than one million people like you have already contacted the FDA in support of labeling genetically engineered foods – and now we’re so close to a new milestone. Help ratchet up the pressure on the FDA by getting us to 1.2 million supporters by Mother’s Day.

Forward this short video loaded with data to some of the moms in your life. Urge them to sign Just Label It’s petition to the FDA before May 13.

Why moms? WHY NOT ALL PEOPLE TOO??? – S – Because what we want is simple: information to keep our kids healthy. YES BUT SO DOES EVERYONE!! That’s why so many of us pay attention to labels, and why I shared my story in this video filmed by the writer and director of Food, Inc. We have a right to know what we are feeding our kids, like moms in other countries already have. It’s a simple Mother’s Day request to the FDA: mandate labels for GMOs.

And the time is now. All kinds of changes are happening to our food supply: from meat fillers that we didn’t know were in there to a salmon that has been genetically engineered to produce growth hormones year-round that cause the fish to grow at twice its natural rate. We need more people to contact the FDA to demand the right to know what we are eating.

If more of us speak out this month, we’ll show the FDA that moms and others across America want to know how their food is produced. Please, watch this video, and then share it with at least one mom today.

Thank you for taking the time to do this. Together, we can affect remarkable change.

Robyn O’Brien
AllergyKids Foundation

We’re building a movement of concerned citizens – parents, health care workers, small business owners, farmers, and more – who care about what’s in the food we eat.

In October 2011, the Just Label It campaign was formed when the Center for Food Safety filed a petition with the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) to require the labeling of all foods produced using genetic engineering. Days later, we asked citizens from around the country to join us and tell the FDA to “Just Label It.” More than 1.1 million Americans have contacted to the FDA urging them to label genetically engineered foods. Ask others to sign on at

Like us on Facebook | Follow us on Twitter | Learn more at


A post with nothing to say except I have an appoint on the phone with Dr. Schoolcraft.  I didn’t even call him a wizard or a genius.  He is just a guy who right now is playing God with my embryos.  I mean, he would let me put both of these embryos back in and miscarry (likely as I struggled with one) but I can’t transfer one to a proven surrogate and one to me?  At roughly the same time?  Well, I’ve heard he proposed that exact scenario to another blogger who I watch and thanks to my last post, I can use it as ammunition…of course without naming names.  I mean – HE WON”T LET ME BUT OBVIOUSLY HAS OFFERED TO THIS EXACT SCENARIO BEFORE!  Rules were made to be broken.

I’m freakin broken every which way about this.  My birthday was a few weeks ago.  Great.  Now I’m 44. Can you imagine?  I am trying to have kids still and some of the people I went to high school are having grandkids.  I just have to block that out of my head.  I have 4 grandparents – 3 died at 90 and one is still kicking at 99.  My maternal grandmother.  A couple of wrinkles.  I kid you the hell not.  My mother? Same thing.  No wrinkles and she is close to 80.  She is walking around like she is 50.  I’m the one who takes 10 minutes to get out of bed.  wah wah wah.  Yeah, I know.

Well, I have a 5 year old who says that I am super cool and that he loves me more than infinity and,well, he seems to be certain that he will have a brother and a sister.  So we will throw the dice in the air and see what happens.  If he tells me no, I have to have a plan.  Where to move them?  

And I’m going on a gluten free diet – not to be all trendy but I’m not unconvinced that the additives in bread and the whole food chain in our country is screwed up.  I was talking to a lovely family with a child on the spectrum (high functioning) and they have no idea.  They do know one thing – when they take their child back to Turkey (the mother is from Turkey) he improves.  I can’t help but think it is diet related.  We are feeding cows corn.  They don’t eat corn in nature.  We are screwing our bodies up, their bodies.  I mean, why not just start eating couch cushion like that woman on television.  I watched that yesterday and it sent my mind realing.  She actually eats her couch…and her bra padding.  I sorta want to try it.  Don’t laugh – I want to understand what is so tasty about couch cushion (and now she is putting the couch cushion in dirt and then spreading pink hand lotion over it and eating it).  Heavens above.  

Then there was the guy who has two real life dolls – the ones you have errrr relations with?  OH BOY.  OH BOY OH BOY.

So I’ve been amusing myself while I wait for the next hurdle in one of many.  Please let this be.  I need to complete my family so I can be funny again.  I used to make jokes – not have to try pieces of couch cushion to get my kicks.  I used to write songs and now I wistfully watch as my friends get major cuts on records and love it and I miss it.  I just want to be me again – not infertile, habitual aborter of embryos.  It sucks but if you are here then chances are that you not only know that, but you live it.  Or you are one of my friends or family who want to know where we are in the process. 

The answer is that we are no where but moving quickly somewhere.  I hope it is colorado but if not then…..suggestions anyone?

Thank you to all who commented and gave me advice.  I love the support and I love giving it back.  If you need me, if you know someone who cannot afford IVF at all and needs meds – email me on that too. I have some gonal F that I want to donate.  Don’t think I’m going to be using it.