The “new” me…..is really boring

I’ve begun the clean up of my body. I am losing 1 pound per day and paying quite a price for it. Try drinking 12 ounces of broccoli, kale, spinach, apples, goji berries, acai, beet and maca in the morning (every morning) with the emphasis and bold on the word BROCCOLI. My husband started this kick off to help me with a particular problem (cough*tmi*cough) constipation that can last two weeks. Yes, I know…but it has always been that way. Well today it wasn’t. I am not going to make this a post about my bowels but deal lord, help me. Whatever he gave me went right through and took the two weeks with it (and almost made me faint). Yes, that was a visual you didn’t need.

I’m not drinking, take the occasional anxiety med (lie, more when I am stressed) but am even stopping those. I used to never need them – just having them in my purse was enough to keep away panic attacks but right now I don’t know whether to sit or stand, walk or run. Owning my own business has been a great thing but I literally do the job of four people (sometimes the job of 7 when the cleaning crew don’t show up).

So I’ve started a plan to offload my responsibilities and stop doing everything to let others stand up (or not) – I learned very quickly that if you do everything, people will also learn very quickly that they don’t need to do things because it will magically get done. I guess I had to knock my head against the wall a few times to realize it (but hey, I’ve never been someone’s boss before – well, not officially).

Back to baby things – I put myself on the pill to see if a period would come. Here I go again playing doctor. It is just frustrating not knowing when a period is going to come. Who knew I would hit peri menopause at 44!! I think the gazillion IVFs had something to do with that because my mother had maxi pads hanging around until she was almost 60. Unbelievable. And….Who wants to wear a mattress between your legs? Why do people use them in this day and age (though I will never get over the OB – who wants to use their dirty finger to – oh just gross).

I’ve covered a number of topics today that are likely to gross you out and never read this blog again. If you want to check back in late March or early April (when the topic is FET preparation not my bowels – that is IF they let me do it (another story, I just have to keep my mouth shut).

Lastly, I hope some of you are watching the documentaries and informing yourself about our food – Fork over Knives and Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead (etc). I wanted to do something about what our family ate a year ago but it really took my husband to get on board for it to happen. I recommend that you adopt some of the ideas and the fertility juice blends when you are cycling or preparing for a FET. It can’t hurt and you will feel better, I promise.

Over and out….

Advertisements

2010 in review – Oooooh! You love me despite me neglecting you this year! Xo

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Fresher than ever.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A helper monkey made this abstract painting, inspired by your stats.

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 5,100 times in 2010. That’s about 12 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 8 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 99 posts. There were 4 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 893kb.

The busiest day of the year was December 9th with 70 views. The most popular post that day was Consult with Dr. Schoolcraft..

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were lifeandloveinthepetridish.blogspot.com, ivfconnections.net, facebook.com, estrogenprimingprotocol.blogspot.com, and en.wordpress.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for dr schoolcraft, dr. schoolcraft, schoolcraft ivf, saizen ivf, and way too much information ivf blog.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Consult with Dr. Schoolcraft. November 2008

2

Back…IVF #9 with CGH Microarray (part 2) December 2009

3

About October 2008
6 comments

4

am i ok? my boobs won’t stop growing? November 2008

5

What am I doing? January 2009

It has begun.

I don’t like new years resolutions for a variety of dumb reasons but this year I think I am doing it. Sorta. It started about two weeks ago. I cut out coffee (well, went from 10 to 2 a day). 10 cups of coffee a day (no joke) and I was wondering why I had high BP. As high as 145/95 which is very high for me. I went to a new doctor recently – friend of a friend. I can never get in to see my oh so amazing doctor in ATL so I figured, why not. Why not! The guy was great. He went over my history and told me that he agrees completely that I should be on IVIG during pregnancy and my failure to be on it for the last miscarriage was probably why I lost a genetically normal female. Ugh. She would be 2.5 years old. I try so hard not to think about that. That was a tough one. In fact, it is probably something I have yet to deal with – it comes out in little bits. Like when the doctor says to me, how many miscarriages and I mumble “um…like 6 or 7 or 8…I’m sorry” and then the tears start and I feel stupid. Like right now…few more tears. They are always right there at the surface. Should I sit my ass in a doctor’s chair and talk about it for 190 dollars a month…the answers is damn well no. Enough of that. I’ll get my bucket of tears owed to that little girl in soon. Maybe I’ll make a weekend for her – just to get it out because, I would have been fine had the karyotype been “trisomy male” blah blah but not “normal girl”. At 8 weeks he didn’t just get my tissue – it was true.

So back to the resolutions malarky. I started with the coffee and now I’m taking prenatals on time and eating with them! Duh. I’m bumping up the folic acid. I don’t drink too much but I take anti anxiety meds. I’ve halved my dosage (that is also a big thing for me as I tend to be over anxious, imagine that). Drinking will cease from 2x per week to about none. I’ve started my daily baby aspirin, am drinking lots of water and going to about five more doctors – pap smear, mammo (all required by Schoolcraft to do an embryo transfer) and then the doctor to give me IVIG who my doctor made a referral and “recommended” that he do whatever I want. Hoping insurance will take it or it is 3K a pop and I need at least 3 of them if not 4.

Wow, exciting post!

The doctor did tell me that it was pretty clear that I have an autoimmune disorder but that it was also a good thing because I’ll probably never get cancer. Oh doctor, don’t worry, my body has ways of surprising!

So that is it. Countdown begins. I’ve started thinking about what will happen if it doesn’t work and the idea is grim but I’ll survive but I won’t give up. I won’t have a lot of options at that point but I’ll find a way.

So there it is – my new years resolution. To get healthy enough to have a baby in 2 months.

Off to sign up two new students – TWO! And I signed up three more for May. So we are growing and I can’t be more happy about it. My teachers are happy, I’m finally happy with where we are headed and what we are doing. I no longer feel alone in the process but like a team is behind me – a team of really great teachers who promise me not to give me any stress during the month of March and onward (ha).

I’ll tick “a whole lot of nothing” as a category for this post. Certainly it was nothing like my post for http://www.waitinginsunshine.typepad.com. THAT was a post.

Happy New Year friends. I can’t believe I have loyal readers after I basically post ever once in 6 months.

And lastly, may babiesornot.blogspot.com be healthy in the New Year. I have some amazing cyber friends.

Changes

I couldn’t take the green. The fact that it is Christmas/holiday time and I obsess more about the color of my blog than I do making the sugar cookies (which is my job in life, right?) shows you that I am dreading what is to come. Not Christmas. That is magic – the getting on the flight, 9 hours with a toddler, the foreign land we shall be visiting, the cold, the dreary and the fact that I cannot be in a bad mood for one entire week. That is a hard thing for me to do – especially when I am around people 24/7. I sound like a whining little brat but I crave and adore solitude. Complete silence. Nothing to do but read, or bathe, or organize my socks, or learn a new web gadget, or create something. I miss having hours and hours of time to let my mind wander or create a project. It is a luxury now whereas it used to be how I lived. Back when I was living in NYC and single, of course. Back when I was writing songs and felt like every day was a new beginning.

I wanted this – my child, my husband, these pups and cat and house but I also miss the person I was. I miss writing and creating and I feel like I have to find a way to bring that back into my life again. Finding the time is the hard part. It is also very hard to know when that great, magical idea is going to come. Like a lyric to a song or a chorus or a melody. They just used to come and they don’t anymore….except when I have those wide open spaces of time which, if all goes to plan, I won’t have for a very long time. Trying to add to your family only creates more chaos so how do I figure that one out? Somehow. I have to.

My husband has golf. He loves going out there for hours at a time. I wish he could understand that silence and breathing space makes me feel the same way as he does hitting a ball. But, we are very different beings – male and female. And being creative is a bit of curse – nobody pays you millions to make a flower out of clay for your niece…or knit a scarf for your dear friend’s new baby or….oh GOD help me I have to create another post to devote to my latest project. I’m in way over my head. So help….someone! Mommy!!!!!!

Green. Too green for me but let’s push the comfort zone

It is just a design but I don’t like it. I’m forcing myself to keep it up. Who knows why but you know what? I love the snow feature.

Living in Georgia means I get very little snow and when we do, these folks act like the world is coming to a fast end. 3 inches and all milk and bread and canned grits get SOLD out at Krogers across the city. I roll my eyes as the child who grew up near Buffalo, NY. 7 feet? Now, I’ve seen that and it was FANTASTIC. Even then I think the stores stayed open and everyone just reveled in a snow day.

Give me snow anytime but for now, it is on this little website. The green one.

I put my wedding photo for a change – a very happy day. I had just had a huge amount of eco friendly (don’t need trouble from you environmentalists so we’ll stop that at the pass) confetti essentially poured over my head. It was cute. I laughed and thought….hmmmmm. Being ecofriendly just ruined my hair and put crazy flecks all over my gorgeous deep, dark roses.

This is sort of a non post because I have zero to complain about (so far but hey, it is early).

I’m going out to spend some money today – home depot and best buy. Pine straw and a present for my lovely husband who brought me breakfast in bed. At the rate he is going I might have to put out.

Non babymaking sex is just hard to imagine – what is all that about?