Waiting

I gave blood and now will probably have to wait for the results. I’m already feeling very bad for my nurse – she’ll have to call me with bad news. When she called me last week to tell me that the beta had doubled I joked with her that I was beginning to associate bad things with her phone calls. You know, I could be wrong about this – but consider the evidence:

Since I found out I was pregnant I’ve been peeing constantly and feeling rather nauseated. On Saturday I woke up and both of those feelings had gone away. My uterus feels a bit soft now, whereas one week ago it was a bit hard. I have a back ache – this is pretty common in pregnancy but combined with the other symptoms (or lack of) I’d say it is not a good sign for me. I just don’t feel pregnant anymore.

I have SOME evidence to the contrary – I have had a few spells of nausea and my breasts still hurt (ish).

I just have a bad feeling and I’m usually right about these things.

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To jinx or not to jinx

I’m going to jinx myself.  I’m feeling sick.  A mild nausea that has been lingering since yesterday afternoon.

And the dreams.  Everytime I’ve been pregnant in the past I’ve had insane dreams involving…well….people having sex!  I had one last night – I walked into a russian bath and there were all these people looking like they might be having sex soon – so I left (wisely) but not before admiring the tile on the bathroom wall.  It was gorgeous!!!

Today is 9 days past ovulation so…I could test tomorrow but I think I will wait until Sunday just to be sure.

the mind plays tricks…

I just took a bite of a chocolate chip cookie and immediately felt the urge to vomit all over myself.

Too early.

Right now I am 5dpo, 5 days past ovulation.  If anything fertilized…and that is a BIG, HUGE IF – we would be a the blastocyst level right now.  Embryo would have over 100 cells or more and be getting ready to hatch – I mean technically it is possible that something is trying to implant itself into the side of my uterus right this very second but improbable.

I hate having hope and so I dismiss it.  Much easier to assume this is not going to work than convince yourself and be let down.

Anyway – I’ll go and try to eat another chocolate chip cookie and see what happens.  Followed by a quick visit to IVFconnections (where I’ve been spending far too much time these days).