Time to share…..

I might not blog much but I’m always thinking, always researching and always talking about infertility, the science, the process and I keep my ear to the ground (I mean, I’m listening to A LOT of people). I need to post more about what I am learning because it seems, like so many other things in the world we live in, that information isn’t getting out there. People put so much trust in their doctors and the process that they don’t question why they have failure after failure. The internet is a dangerous thing – someone posts an article and it becomes the truth. Let’s take for example carrageenan (a substance used to thicken liquid – essentially a type of seaweed). There have been a number of studies linking it to inflammation (and inflammation leads to…cancer). What the studies do not tell you are that there are two types of carrageenan – and one is a heck of a lot more harmless than than the copious amounts of sugar one eats every day (which absolutely feeds cancer). I’m not saying the stuff is safe but the key is moderation and thoughtful research/discourse. Just because one person says something is true does not make it so. We have to become our own advocates and know how to uncover the truth. In our attempt to find a quick solution to something that ails us, pains us we often neglect the due diligence process. We get behind people like the Food Babe or Dr. Weil or anyone with the hope that their advice is going to fix whatever ails us. I’m getting somewhere, I promise.

It seems that there are a few smoking guns when it comes to infertility – diet and toxins that we are putting in our mouth are too big to ignore. Back in our great-grandparent’s time women started having kids in their teens and the AVERAGE age for their youngest child was 42. Plenty of woman got pregnant in their forties and there were no infertility experts back then nor were there petri dishes. Sure there were “spinster aunts” that never had children but the fact remains, the food was cleaner, the soil was full of goodness and pregnancy was far more dangerous to a woman than the items that they placed on their dinner plate. So the point of this FIRST topic on doing your homework is that you can’t trust anyone when it comes to your body. Not your doctor, not the internets, not me – nobody. You have to collect information like a scientist (and that is hard when you are feeling bat shit crazy on lupron) so I get it. I’m going to ask all of you who are struggling or even just starting this process to take a hard look at what you are eating and how you are living your life. Go and get a detailed nutritional panel to make sure you have enough vitamins and minerals in your body to sustain a pregnancy, get your uterus looked at professionally with a hysteroscopy by more than one person – because septums are a leading cause of miscarriage AND they are sometimes hard to spot depending on your cycle. And get a toxin panel (thank you, K) because many of you are running around with a high amount of nickel, aluminum, and all kinds of garbage that will either keep you childless or do damage to your fetus.

Try one little experiment – buy some over the counter iodine and rub a dab on the inside of your wrist(about 3 drops spread over a thin area of skin – about the size of your inner palm) Wait and see what happens. If that iodine disappears within six hours (per Dr. Bhatia of Atlanta) you have a deficiency – you really want to see it after 24 hours. Mind disappeared in 20 minutes. I’ve added a sheet of nori (for making sushi) into my diet and so much has changed. The point is that you cannot get pregnant if your body cannot sustain a pregnancy. Your fetus knows what kind of environment it will enter – a stressful, chaotic one, one in which there is little food for people who went through food deprivation and so on. The evidence is there that your mass of cells can decide if the environment is not a good one – if you don’t have enough folate for its development. So get yourself checked out by a naturopath. Make sure your body has what it needs to support a pregnancy. I’m going to list every single test that you should consider and why. In the meantime, get as clean as you can with your eating. I’ll share resources with you because I didn’t start this blog to hear myself talk – I want to help my fellow sisters (and brothers) in IF and help all of us work together to become parents (no matter how that happens). I’d also like to suggest that you do some research on the HCG booster – the evidence is looming that having an HCG shot prior to a FET primes the uterus to accept a pregnancy.

For those of you with uterine lining issues, write a note in the comments. I know a doctor who will help you build that lining using a drug that works – it is off label for building linings but many REs are catching on (just not fast enough).

I’m going to be posting more because I’m getting ready for potential transfer – but a lot of things need to happen first. I do believe in the power of intention and, on that note, I hope you will keep your thoughts positive and understand how powerful you are and how incredible your thoughts can be..if you believe something negative, you will attract something negative. I promise this happens to me ever single day and to you as well…..

Expect to succeed in this process but first, kick every tire. I’ll help lead you to some great articles and most importantly to the fact checkers, the scientists who are not paid off by Kelloggs or Coca Cola to tell you that something they add to their amazing food products is safe- but one thing – let me know when I am wrong. I have too many people reading this blog daily – literally thousands – looking for hope and advice and I cannot give out bad information. Expect to see a lot more of me – because what I am reading and experiencing is promising for the future and might help one of you. I didn’t go through all those shots and sleepless nights not to give back, and give back I will. Keep fighting the good fight.

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…yeah

I thought I was over it…but apparently I’m not. It doesn’t help that I had put google reminders in the calendar to remind me what week I am in. Today I received an email telling me that my first trimester is over and right now I am supposed to be at the doctors having a nuchal fold measured. But I’m not and I’m sad.

Decision!

Yesterday at the doctor’s appointment my RE told me that I would be released to my OB on December 22 which sent a shiver down my spine… I don’t have an OB here in Atlanta and judging from my requirements, there isn’t an OB in Atlanta who fits the bill.

Call me spoiled but I had the most amazing doctor with Alex. Her name is Janice Marks and she was recommended by my NYC RE. Knowing how worried I was about staying pregnant he recommended that I see Dr. Marks. In his words, “I’ve seen her operate and she takes command” – boy was he right! She is on top of everything, tests for everything, monitors your every move. In essence, she was neurotic about my pregnancy so that I could relax. When I asked my RE yesterday if he knew anyone like Dr. Marks in Atlanta he told me, “there is no other Dr. Marks – she is one of the best doctors I’ve ever worked with” (He previously worked at Lenox Hill with her).

So I called her…and she says she thinks we can do it. I’ll be going back and forth for important appointments like the first and second trimester screenings (the nuchal and that amnio) and then she will want to see me come to NYC around week 34 if all goes well. I’d be induced at 38 weeks.

It might be a little bit of a hassle – uprooting my son for a month…and once I deliver I’ll be far from home – but the relief I feel at knowing she will be in charge of my birth is so worth it.

Mind you, my friend called me today and in the course of conversation let it slip that one her friends had a miscarriage at 8 weeks….that brought me back to earth. This is not a done deal. Some might say I’m stupid for telling anyone let alone the internet but I’ve been through enough struggle, enough loss to understand that this is not something to be ashamed of nor is it something I can control. I’d rather share my journey with my friends and perhaps help someone else out there who is still finding her way through infertility. If I miscarry I’ll be fine – I have enough support and for that I am very grateful.

Wow…(warning someone else’s graphic miscarriage mentioned)

I was googling this am. (more about that later). Every single morning I have been getting up at 4am. I don’t know why. So, I decided to alleviate my fears that this pregnancy might turn into another blighted ovum (I had one once – have not shared the details yet). Googling “blighted ovum” brought me to this page (WARNING – miscarriage mentioned in detail):

http://losingmaia.blogspot.com/2006/06/my-dead-baby-was-to-be-urinated-upon.html

Read at your own peril – it really upset me. Even more upsetting were the comments below her post…..I cannot believe things like this actually happen in the world.

11 dpo

I’m 11 days past ovulation now.  Normally I would pee on another stick….but I can’t do it.  Never in my entire life of peeing on sticks have I had good news.  Never, ever.  Even when I was pregnant with my son – the tests kept getting lighter and lighter.  That, of course, is when I break out a bottle of wine (and not to share).  So I’ll actually wait for my beta (blood test) and find out the number.  Then I will have to go get another blood test 2 days later – and then 2 days later, repeat.

Normally what happens is that my levels start to go down and then they tell me to stop all medication….a chemical pregnancy.

Even if I didn’t have a chemical pregnancy – even if I did actually see a heartbeat – the stress doesn’t end there.  I’m 40 years old.  The miscarriage rate is…I think around 40%.  So I’m looking at another 10 weeks of worrying and wondering.  And then you have the testing….which is the biggest nail biter of all.

So – I’m looking at approximately 20 weeks of worry here – I might as well just try to ignore it and live my life.  I will tell you this though – I feel very ill (like I might have to vomit) so….that is good sign.

I’m off the march against proposition 8 this afternoon so I’ll post some photos when I get back.