What happened this summer – why I went away

So I left this block rather abruptly. Right smack dab in the middle of my CCRM story. There was a good reason – actually two good reasons.

I used to be a member of an IVF support group. It was online, fairly active and I had posted there since 2005 when I began the journey of trying to have a child. When I say that this particular site was instrumental in having my son that would be a gross understatement. I learned everything I ever needed to know from the women on this site on how to cycle, how to keep upbeat, how to laugh and most of all – how to relate to people who were going through the same experience that I was. Because, let’s face it, until you have experienced infertility you just don’t get it. Not in the way that we do. The physical and psychological pain, the feelings of inadequacy, the anger at people walking down the street with a baby carriage – they just do not understand and sometimes nor do we. Finding this particular website at a point in my life where I felt helpless empowered me and allowed me to get through those rough times. For that, I shall be forever grateful. I developed some great relationships that remain to this day. But in July I had to leave.

There were a few things going on at that point in time. The board I posted to regularly was turning into a strange place. There were a few posters who had things going on in their life that were dangerous (to put it mildly) and a number of people were considering turning this woman into the authorities. I’d received several messages from different sources encouraging me to turn her in to child protective services. I’d considered it and then thought…..nah, I’m going to tell her what I think. Because, what if this was all a huge rant and this woman was exaggerating and then CPS goes in and yanks her kids. I didn’t think it was a bad idea if the stories were true but, because so many people were calling CPS, I didn’t do it. So, I wrote a post and called her out. She didn’t like that. Neither did her friends. They gave me what my grandfather would call a “licking” for it. Others wrote me private messages saying “thanks, I wish I had the guts to write what you did”. I didn’t think I was particularly harsh but in hindsight, probably should have just stayed out of it like I did with the CPS.

And then about 2 weeks later a post appeared calling me names and accusing me of trying to kill my husband. It was laughable. My friends on the board and I had a good old laugh about it – until people, people I’d known for ages started agreeing and saying “I believe this to be true”. It was like 8th grade….I can laugh about it now but it started to become very serious to me. For a start, I was applying for a job with a very well known and highly thought of company and did not need such disgusting words said about me….and then this person called CCRM and told them things about me. That is when I started compiling information for a civil and criminal suit. I have all the evidence but I have declined pressing charges for the moment. It didn’t stop there though – whoever this person and or persons were, they caused all manner of mischief and then would try to link it back to me….one day I looked and over 20 of my IVF friends had dropped me on facebook. I was stunned.

And then I figured it out.

A few months prior to all of this brouhaha I started a private, facebook group in support of a fellow IVFer to talk about her issue. She had a pretty big problem and didn’t want to discuss it on this open board. I still will not discuss her or her issue – not until she is ready. Let’s just say it was a doozy. One of the members of our “secret facebook” group decided to leave – in a huff, I’ll add because, well, she didn’t like the fact that a few of us didn’t like one of her friends. 8th grade. This person then decided to go and tell everyone in her social circle on this board about our exclusionary, secret group where we all made fun of everyone. Those were her words, not the truth…but she was a believable person and so…people I’d posted with, supported, held virtual hands with, donated money to in times of need and cried tears of anger, frustration and and sadness with decided that I was a very bad person. A very bad person indeed – a “mean girl”. But, due to the private nature of our friend’s issue, I was unable to defend myself, defend my creating a support group outside of our support group. I was labeled the scourge of our wonderful board. I was shunned. I had to leave – there was no staying around. When I tell you that it shook me to the core, I will not lie. I laugh about it now but at the time my husband was making me dinner, bringing me flowers and reminding me that it didn’t matter what some people on the internet thought – that it was our family that mattered. Again, he didn’t get it. Those women meant something to me that he couldn’t understand.

Those women.

So, lately I’ve started to post there again because I realized that I have something to give. I have something to add and if it helps a woman get pregnant or make a decision that might help her get pregnant or choose to adopt or….help her in any way, I’m going to post there. I won’t let the lies and destruction caused by a few idiots stop me. I’m far less interested in doing what I had originally wanted to do – raise money for cycling, meds, etc for those who cannot afford it but maybe that will change in time.

Hell, I raised 105,000 dollars this summer as the Chair of a non-profit whose proceeds go to planting trees and flowers – imagine what I could do to help women start or complete their families. I just wish July never happened or I’d probably be working on just that right now.

So that is the long and the short (actually the short for sure) of it.

Far more interesting than, say, headboard decorating issues, I hope!


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