Tag Archives: IVF

Peeing on a stick….

Posted in Advice, Rant by

Was just having a discussion with a fellow IVFer on home pregnancy tests. Listen. I’m a damned expert and I am going to tell you a secret. They all suck with exception of the FRER – First Response Early Result. That thing measured the tiniest beta in the world (beta for you non scientific babymakers is the measurement of the HCG given off by am implanting/implanted embryo in your bloodstream). 11 is very low and FRER got it.

All batches are different but I need to post this.

Tell the others to F off. Seriously…..the dollar tree brand told me I was not pregnant until I was 5 months along. I peed on every one of them just to spite them and then posted them on the wall and gave them the finger. I’m not making this up. I hate that brand – sue me, dollar tree.

I guess I need to tag this as a rant…..and advice. I am also not joking when I tell you that I approach people looking at the clearblue easy in the CVS pharmacy aisle and have convinced them to buy the FRER.

Hey, at least I’m passionate about something.

The New York Times

Posted in Rant by

Sick of them. Honestly? Used to be one of my favorite rags but the coverage they are giving infertility these days is just sensational garbage. I won’t spend time linking to his malarky – go and search if you really want to know……but honestly? I feel like the IF community is under attack. The whole “designer baby”…creating children with only blue eyes who have genetics that indicate a strength in math is just baloney. That is such a kind word and I am in a cursing mood. The restraint I show, oh it is so amazing….

I know hundreds, maybe thousands of women who have undergone IVF/ART etc. to have their children and not one – not even one who did it for sex selection even. Shocking!

In fact, I don’t even think you CAN choose the color of eyes – the technology exists somewhere but holycrap. A vial of follistim is about 800 bucks can you imagine how much it would cost to test the eyeball of an embryo?

Deep breath.

We do this because we want to be parents. In my case, I have a child. I love him beyond the description of words and thus, I try for a sibling.

“Just adopt?” If you say that then you don’t get it. Why don’t YOU adopt? In our case that is not something that my husband will agree to (and it takes two in a marriage these days)

“Well you have one, just be thankful!” What makes you think I am not thankful? I thank God and the moon and the stars every.single.day for my son. Every single day he gives me a reason to give him a sibling. I’m old. His dad is old (relatively as parents) and one day when he stands over my grave and shovels the last bit of dirt over it – I’d like him to stand there with his sister or brother and not feel alone. Orphaned. I want him to have what I had – a sibling. Even if we are not close in proximity, I know where he is. I get him. I support him in the dark times. I love him. I just want my son to have what I had and if that is selfish, so be it.

Meanwhile, I’m going to get back to sorting my needles for the next IVF and, of course, drop down to my knees and thank the universe for my little guy who most recently told me “mommy, you are beautiful”. All those injections were worth it and I’d do it again and again.

So NYT – you suck. I hope you go bankrupt – oh wait, you already are. My bad.

Back…IVF #9 with CGH Microarray (part 2)

Posted in infertility, IVF # 9 by

Sorry for leaving some of you hanging. I had to take a break for a number of reasons.

We got our CGH Microarray results back from the 8 embryos we had on ice (from CCRM and the clinic I go to in NYC – I did IVF #8 there in June which I will update on later – had those four sent out to join the other CCRM four an all were tested) ……..and we have one normal embryo – in fact, it was our only blastocyst and it was a day 6 blastocyst which is a bit behind. The other 7 were massively abnormal, poor things. So, I decided to try another cycle locally to hopefully get a few more embryos to ship out to CCRM and then do another cycle in February….but that was a complete disaster. Microdose lupron, measurable follicle on day 2!!! I stimmed for 6 days and then triggered and converted to an IUI. BFN. No surprise there.

I went on birth control pills right after since I had developed massive cysts….and then decided it was time to go back to CCRM. I’m approaching 42 and I don’t have the luxury of time on my side. I have a good chance with one CGH normal (60%) but I want a GREAT chance which only 2 normal embryos will give me (70 %). Selfish, I know.

For this cycle we did things very differently – I started saizen (human growth hormone) and microdose lupron for two days and then started 300 gonal F and 2 amps of menopur combined with dexamethazone. What a response – the stim was rather fast – 9 days total or so and I produced 11 eggs – 8 of which were mature and fertilized normally. I was shocked as I never respond like this – my very best cycle to date and I think I credit the saizen…. Day 3 and all of them were right on target with one over achiever at 12 cells. Yesterday on day 5 they called to say that they had 3 early blasts and 3 great looking morulas. Somehow between last night and today most of them arrested and I am now left with a grade 5AA blast and a 3AB blast to biopsy. So down to 2. Beats the one I had last time which was thankfully normal.

I don’t know whether to be happy or gear up for IVF #10. I guess I’ll wait for the results (probably by mid Jan) and maybe go back on the pill to suppress all the crazy things my ovaries do after an IVF.

On the emotional front, I’m not feeling so great. Not sure how I am going to be able to handle it if this doesn’t work. I began looking at donor eggs and found one woman whose baby photo looked just like me. But I don’t know if I can do that. I always told myself that it wouldn’t matter – and deep in my heart I know it wouldn’t but I will move heaven and earth to make this happen with my own eggs. I only wish I had found CCRM when I was 40 and not 41.

So there is my update and now we wait…….

All day testing

Posted in IVF, IVF #7 by

I’m in Colorado – just finished all day testing at CCRM. I’ve come away with a huge spiral notebook of things to read, a stack of orders for bloodwork that must be completed, an enormous headache caused, no doubt, by their no caffeine policy, a sore and (sorry TMI alert) bleeding uterus from having a foot long thread inserted into it….and hope, I have hope! I love this place. Never have I seen an operation like it (and I’ve been around). They are indeed everything I thought they would be. Dr. Schoolcraft is a nice guy – I liked him enormously. His nurse Kathy was amazing – spend literally hours talking me through the entire process. They run a tight ship – no waiting around – everything spelled out, scheduled, organized. Wow.

Guess what I found out today? After 6 IVFs and God knows how many times someone has looked into my uterus – Dr. Schoolcraft found scar tissue from a previous D&C – most likely when I was 31 years old and had a blighted ovum. All this time and no one ever said a word about it. Lest you think this might be the result of my last D&C – that is highly unlikely as my RE did suction only. Dr. Schoolcraft suggested that any embryo trying to inplant in this area of my uterus would struggle. I’ll be getting surgery to remove the scar tissue soon – probably back in Atlanta. He also agreed that microarray (genetic testing on the embryo) would be my best shot. He figures that I have an 80% probability of finding a normal embryo….so we are doing it. Forget the IUI – I’m going to wait for my next period (most likely February 27) and then resume estrogen patches 15 days later. I’ll get a period in late March and an egg retrieval around April 8-10th (approximate). There will be other decisions once we know how many eggs we get – but for now we are planning to flash freeze them either at day 3 or day 5. I’ll do a frozen embryo transfer a few months later and then hope, hope, hope.

The bad news is that I had 8 resting follicles (these are the follicles that show up in your ovaries at the beginning of your cycle and serve as a predictor of how many eggs will be retrieved) – this is down from 15 in August. You see – just a few months at the age of 40 can send you off a cliff. Who knows how many I’ll have next month – could go back up but unlikely. Dr. Schoolcraft said that a resting follicle count of 8 will likely correspond plus or minus 2 to my results at retrieval. If I had 10 eggs…mature and fertilized – I’d be the happiest girl in the world. I’m not sure that resting follicles are that predictive in everyone – but they have been for me.

I’m not going to think about the cost – I have a loan for the entire amount ready and waiting for me to access it. This is far more important than anything in our lives right now so its cost is irrelevant for me. One thing that was repeated over and over again – “your eggs are 40 years old”. I get it….time is literally running out. I don’t have a year to make more mistakes – I have months…

I’ll post more later – for now a much needed massage is waiting.

Tomorrow…IVF #5

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I just realized the story of 4 has been told. Tomorrow I will elaborate on 5 and 6 – get them out of the way so we can focus on 7 and 8. Yes, I’m planning on doing 2 back to back with the hope of having 1 or 2 normals. Will do CGH. “What is that?” asks the member of the public…..google it, I say.

I know I said I’d give the topic of my uterus, vagina and ovaries a rest for 2 weeks but damn if that isn’t hard! I want to talk about them! A lot!

oh right….I was wrong! I might do micro array and not CGH. Again, google it if you really want to know. For slackers – it is a way to find out if the embryo that IVF has created has normal chromosomes. This greatly improves the chances of pregnancy – especially in “geriatric” mothers to be.

5 weeks 5 days

Posted in IUI with injectibles #1, miscarriage, pregnancy by

I don’t know – am I? I thought I was 6 weeks tomorrow but who am I to argue with my RE? Sorry for the lengthy absence but I’ve had nothing to say. In times of stress I tend to retreat and shut everyone out.

I was doing fine, actually. I fully intended to wait until Friday the 5th of December for my ultrasound but…I woke up this morning and scheduled an ultrasound. I KNEW it was too early but my curiosity and nervousness got the better of me. And, as expected, there was no heartbeat. All that could be seen was a gestational sac and a yolk sac. My RE assured me that this was completely normal and that early ultrasounds are discouraged for this very reason – it just causes more stress. He instructed the nurses to prohibit me from having another ultrasound until next week – which made me laugh. When I quizzed him about my need to do IVF in the future (I mean…IUI did work and IVF did not) he told me that I basically got lucky (I’m not sure I agree with him but that is another story). Then he rolled his eyes and reminded me that I should focus on the good news and not start planning for the failure.

Before some wise ass tells me to “think positive” and stop being so negative – I would like to say just one thing. It is easier to fall from a chair than a cloud. I read this on my IVF message board and couldn’t agree more. So back off and understand that my negative thinking is protective. Thanks. And to all my friends who call and email and worry about me – I’m fine. I just don’t feel like talking about it. I’ll be back soon, I promise.

My next ultrasound is scheduled for a week from today – Monday. I have absolutely no idea how I am going to keep my mind occupied but considering I have a very active toddler, I’m sure it won’t be hard.

Consult with Dr. Schoolcraft.

Posted in infertility by

I seriously cannot say enough about this man. I really liked him for so many reason – he came across as not only knowledgeable but genuinely concerned.

Prior to the appointment I had to fill out about 20 pages worth of forms and compile my infertility novella (which is up to about 40 pages – my true file, if I had absolutely everything would probably be twice as large). I wrote him a concise chronological note so that he would not have to sift through all of it which I think he appreciated. He talked at length about his program and answered all of my questions. He told me that the new form of PGD that they are testing is getting unbelievable results. His pregnancy rates for women of all ages is around 70 percent. Even women who are coming to him with repeat miscarriages, horrible egg quality, previous chromosomal abnormal births – these women are having healthy babies! He attributes it to this procedure – they grow your embryos to blast, test them and then freeze them. The process takes a week and that is why the embryo has to be frozen. They test ALL 23 chromosomes – unlike the old PGD (which I had the pleasure of wasting a great deal of money on) which only tested 9 of the most common abnormalities. Once the embryos have been assessed the mother is given estrogen and progesterone to create a healthy environment for the embryo. He believes that this environment is more conducive to pregnancy than a fresh IVF cycle and that is another reason the success rate is so high. Apparently not one embryo has been lost after the freeze. So, I think any woman who wants a kid should just go to Colorado and cycle with CCRM. Their stats are just beyond compare and he gave me such hope. I was quite touched that he repeatedly wished me well on my current pregnancy and said, “we are here if you need us but I really hope we never speak again”. The next day his nurse followed up with a call giving me well wishes and reminded me that they were there for me if I needed them. It felt really wonderful to have this option in the back of my mind – nothing worse than grasping at straws after a failed cycle. I actually owe this current pregnancy to Schoolcraft – his writings (and he reiterated this during our conversation) convinced me to ditch the lupron and go for a low stim for better egg quality. So, thank you Dr. Schoolcraft for being indirectly responsible for what is going on in my uterus at the moment. I also have him to thank for reminding me that I should be on blood thinners (I have a blood clotting factor). I originally thought that baby aspirin would do the trick but, as he says, better safe than sorry. I’m taking lovenox and believe me when I say that this is one nasty drug. It hurts going in and each and ever shot makes a huge purple bruise.

So far so good – I’m feeling sick most of the day, breasts still massive with big blue horrible veins, belly big and bloated..and I’m tired.

Trying to find the energy to post about IVF#4 and IVF#5 – this weekend I must do that.

IVF #4

Posted in IVF #4 by

While I wait to pee on a stick…perhaps now is a good time to tell you about failures 4, 5 and 6!  Because I cannot wait to spread the cheer!

IVF #4 started in late April – just after my 40th birthday.  About a year previous, when I was 9 months post partum, our RE recommended that we begin IVF asap.  We were in the middle of a move to another city (Atlanta) and the timing was not great.  We did a number of tests to ensure that my FSH was still low (and indicator or ovarian reserve) and was told that the number was around 7.  My highest reading to date by then had been 5 but anything under 10 is considered normal.  We figured a few more months wouldn’t hurt and we’d definitely need time to get settled in our new town before adding another pregnancy/child.  Nevermind the fact that we added a labrador retriever puppy to the mix – (I had no idea that a dog could be more work than a baby but I, um, know that now!)

We agreed in April to begin treatments with an RE in Atlanta who formerly practiced at Cornell (the number 2 clinic in the nation).  Dr. S is a nice guy – young, matter of fact.  He changed around my meds – which, in hindsight, I should have questioned.  So much of this process is a crap shoot and the medication protocol is by far the most important factor, in my opinion.  We went from a tried and true protocol to the crash and burn protocol.  I had 13 follicles with 5 eggs in them.  Of those 5 eggs, only 3 of them fertilized.  We put all of them back in on day 2.  Normally IVFers will put the embryos back in the uterus on day 3 – and if they are growing well and there is a large enough quantity of embryos – waiting until day 5 (blastocyst cycle).  Our RE called us the day after our fertilization report on Day 1 and said that based on the look of the embryos, he wanted to get them in sooner rather than later.  This concerned me.

On the day of embryo transfer I was given a percoset and told to arrive with a full bladder.  I was very excited when I entered the room where they tranfer the embryos to see a large digital photo of our three embryos.  They all looked good to me – even number of cells, little fragmentation – they looked perfect, in fact.  When I quizzed the embryologist he told me that “it doesn’t get better than this”.  The embryos were transferred and I went home to rest.  My mother was visiting and helped a great deal with my son – I was instructed not to pick him up for 2 weeks which is almost an impossible feat.  I was convinced that the cycle did not work – no symptoms other than feeling extremely exhausted (but that was likely the cause of the massive amounts of progesterone I was injecting into my body).  Around 9 days past ovulation I was eating a salad.  I took a bite of onion and suddenly felt the urge to vomit, I was cold and clammy and nearly fainted.  C looked at me wide eyed and said, “well, this is a good sign”.  He was right – the next day I took a test and it was positive.  Suddenly I started to feel every symptom – I was tired, cranky, blue veins all over my breasts, crazy dreams, hot flashes….  The next day every symptom was gone.  I rushed in to the doctor’s office for an early blood test.  Two hours later I got a call telling me that my beta level was 50.  I was definitely pregnant.  Exactly (and I do not exaggerate) 30 seconds later I started to bleed…and I mean bleed.

30 seconds of happiness and hope!  That was all this cycle could give me.  The next few days I spent in bed, hoping that the bleeding would stop.  I had another blood test a day later and…the level of HCG was going down.  A chemical pregnancy.  Something implanted and then died.  Probably a chromosomal abnormality – who knows.

I was going to jump right back into another cycle but this chemical hung around – for a month!  The levels would not go down.  Just when my RE was going to schedule a D&C – the levels started to drop.

And that, my friends, was that.

What people say and why they shouldn’t….

Posted in infertility by

1. You should adopt and then you will get pregnant.

Yeah – ok your cousin’s best friend’s sister did this TWICE and was able to get pregnant after she wasn’t “focusing” so hard on having a baby.  Um.  Whatever.  Everyone has these stories and while I am glad to hear that things like this do happen – consider a woman who has been through 10 failed IVFs, multiple IUIs and a second trimester miscarriage – I know lots and lots of them.  So please, I know you are trying to be helpful but you aren’t.  You are being annoying and if you tell me that story one more time I am going to punch your head in.  I’m serious.

2. All my husband had to do was look at me and I got pregnant – I’m so fertile

You are very lucky and I wish they gave our medals for such amazing feats!  I worship you!  May I just ask, what does this have to do with me?  Nothing – oh right!  Weren’t you just asking how my fertility treatments were going?  Silly me – I guess you wanted to talk about you!   I’ll let it pass this time but NEXT time I am going to spend the next hour talking non-stop about my e2 levels for each and every day of my last six cycles and exactly what they mean – we’ll go over them in detail and I’ll bore you (hopefully to death).  I also have photos (REAL PHOTOGRAPHY) of my ovaries – that will surely finish you off.

3.  You can have some of my eggs.

You are 40 years old and just because you eeked out one good egg does not mean you are the goddess of all fertility.  In fact, did you know by chance that most of your little eggies are rife with chromosomal abnormalities by the age of 40!?!   To answer your question, no I don’t want your old eggs – I’ve got enough of my own.

4. You can always adopt.

Fuck off.

5. You can always buy a dog.

Seriously fuck off.

6.  My husband has super sperm and that is why I am able to get pregnant.

Good thing too – because he is no fun to look at.

7. If you just relax it will happen.

Good thing I didn’t listen to this particular bit of assvice or I would not have my son.  This bugs me the most.  Let’s have a little biology lesson, shall we?  When you have abnormal sperm meeting abnormal egg it results in either no conception or an abnormal embryo which more than often results in NO PREGNANCY.  When you have one normal egg and one abnormal sperm  – you get the same glorious result.  When you have one abnormal egg and one normal sperm – the same result again!!!  And throw in a few bad timings (normal egg and normal sperm but didn’t get a chance to meet) and a few implantation failures and a few chemical pregnancies….not to mention blocked fallopian tubes, low sperm count, premature ovarian failure, endometriosis, bi-corniate uterus, asherman’s syndrome, etc. etc……please never mention relaxing again.  No amount of relaxation is going to give me (and many women) a child.  That is why were are seeing a doctor!!

8. These days it is really easy for a 45 year old woman to get pregnant – the technology is amazing. Everyone in Hollywood is waiting to have babies later in life.

You need to google “donor egg”, my friend.

9. So many people are having trouble conceiving – it must be God’s way of culling the population.

My friend really said this….I let it pass – it was her birthday!

10. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be

Thanks, mom.  I’ll get back to you after my therapist appointment.

11.  Are you pregnant yet?

Dickhead – stop asking met his question!  You’ll know when I am pregnant because I will be shouting it from the rooftops.  If I had cancer would you be asking me “hey how is that cancer going”….the answer is hopefully no.

12. So how many embryos did the doctor IMPLANT and doesn’t that mean you could have like sextuplets?

A doctor transfers the embryo into the uterus – they choose whether or not to implant (please get that right because you sound stupid) and no, it doesn’t mean anything.  I tranfered 21 embryos into my uterus to get one little boy.  Think about that.

Ok – time to play with DS – he is finally getting bored with Thomas the tank engine.  I’m not bored (or done with this thread however).  I’ll be back with more nuggets of wisdom from non thinking fertile friends and enemies – oh yeah and FRENEMIES!

Colorado bound?

Posted in infertility by

I think I’ve made my decision.  If this cycle does not work I will have the polyp removed and promptly head to Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine.

Here is the reason why:  http://www.colocrm.com/rates2007.htm

52% success rate.  That is the best rate I have ever seen- and if I am going to do a hail mary (or a few of them) – this is where I am going to do it.  Logistically it is probably going to prove to be a bit of a nightmare – but that is my decision…if they can’t do it then I don’t think anyone can.