I was just now mopping the floor…contemplating yesterday’s posts and one email that I received from a friend telling me that my blog is “breaking her heart” when suddenly a voice called out from my future self. Aged 65. It went something like this:

“Dear Suzanne,

“You are 40 years old. Life isn’t fair…and if you think this is bad – you haven’t seen anything yet”.

It occurred to me that yes, it is OK to be sad…and boy was I sad yesterday…but then I remembered my mother has lost two brothers, her father and soon her mother. I am in no way minimizing my sadness – it just puts it into perspective. There will be much more loss and disappointment in the future…but so many rainbows and happiness too. I wish someone had written a letter from the future to me about 20 years ago while I was heartbroken over that very first boyfriend breakup. Did I ever spend a lot of tears and brain power obsessing about that……!!! I digress. I know this is real grown up pain and it hurts but now I need to heal and move forward.

Just a quick note to say I’m better today – nuchal scan, 2nd trimester, 3rd trimester email reminder notes have been deleted from my google calendar to prevent future meltdowns….and now I’ve got a date with a mop.