Things have been a little crazy – I’ve been cleaning my house like a whirling dervish for some reason. I have no idea how I am doing it as I’ve been mostly lying in bed with a herniated disk….on steroids and that seems to be doing the trick.

I have an appointment at CCRM in Denver on the 15th. C and I are going out there (he will already be on a business trip so the timing is perfect). I was supposed to go for my Pre-Op check up today with current RE but….they will only be measuring my HCG level to see if it has gone down. I think I’ll wait a few days.

I just wanted to check in and say hello and tell you all that I am doing very well – I’ve put the pain and disappointment of last year behind me and hope 2009 will be different. My friend is expecting a baby any day now….one of our mutual friends asked me if this is hard for me in light of my recent loss and I have to say…not at all. Well, sorta. My friend conceived at the age of 40 on her very first try (about a month before her wedding – I’m sure in large part because I nagged her to go off the pill asap….knowing how hard a time most of us have over age 40). About two weeks after she found out that she was pregnant, I found out that I was pregnant too. We all know how that ended (IVF #4) so I am sad for only one reason – I was very much looking forward to having babies the same age. I promised myself long ago that I would never allow this process to change me – I’m delighted by babies being born – even to the Duggars! I will not allow myself to covet or become jealous or bitter or angry. Believe me, it is hard but this process does enough to you – I certainly don’t want to become someone I don’t recognize in the mirror.

So today I am cleaning baby sheets and a moses basket to send to her and it literally lifts my spirits!

For now – Happy New Year and I intend to report back with good news very shortly.