I woke up this morning in a post hangover state (yes, I had a few too many glasses of red wine last night). I decided that even if I felt like shit I was not going to look like shit – so I showered, did my hair, put on some makeup – in fact, when the anesthesiologist came in to give me a little pre-op intravenous valium he made a comment – something to the effect of “you sure are all gussied up – where you going after this?”. Nice guy actually – he made my experience painless and actually quite stress free.

Certainly different to how I was feeling when I arrived at the surgery center. Our babysitter called to say that our dog Toby had escaped. At that moment I actually thought I might faint from upset. Within 15 minutes we got a call back to say that Toby had been found rolling around in a pile of dirt at the neighbor’s house construction site. At that moment I felt a huge weight come off my shoulders. While I was there for an unpleasant procedure….at least I still had my dog, my cat, my husband and my sweet little boy. Things could be far worse and it took that mischevious Toby to make me realize it.

The most morbid part of the affair was having to fill out a certificate of information for the county where I live…asking how many miscarriages I’d had in my lifetime, the mother’s maiden name (I actually put my own mother’s information until I realized they were referring to me). I am the mother of this embryo and the form that I filled out will be given to the county and they will issue a death certificate. That was unbearably sad and I’m relieved it will be going to my doctor to add to some statistical volume rather than arrive in my post box sometime when I least expect it.

So, I’m feeling good now (thank you percoset, xanax and grape Glaceau vitamin water) and ready to enjoy my son’s first real Christmas. No more pity parties around here – in fact, I’m not going to mention my uterus or ovaries…or vagina even for at least 2 weeks. We should know in 2 – 4 weeks the gender and the reason why it died.

And now I think I’ll go back to bed and enjoy the silence. Thanks all for your kind notes – I’m going to be just fine.