The New York Times

Sick of them. Honestly? Used to be one of my favorite rags but the coverage they are giving infertility these days is just sensational garbage. I won’t spend time linking to his malarky – go and search if you really want to know……but honestly? I feel like the IF community is under attack. The whole “designer baby”…creating children with only blue eyes who have genetics that indicate a strength in math is just baloney. That is such a kind word and I am in a cursing mood. The restraint I show, oh it is so amazing….

I know hundreds, maybe thousands of women who have undergone IVF/ART etc. to have their children and not one – not even one who did it for sex selection even. Shocking!

In fact, I don’t even think you CAN choose the color of eyes – the technology exists somewhere but holycrap. A vial of follistim is about 800 bucks can you imagine how much it would cost to test the eyeball of an embryo?

Deep breath.

We do this because we want to be parents. In my case, I have a child. I love him beyond the description of words and thus, I try for a sibling.

“Just adopt?” If you say that then you don’t get it. Why don’t YOU adopt? In our case that is not something that my husband will agree to (and it takes two in a marriage these days)

“Well you have one, just be thankful!” What makes you think I am not thankful? I thank God and the moon and the stars every.single.day for my son. Every single day he gives me a reason to give him a sibling. I’m old. His dad is old (relatively as parents) and one day when he stands over my grave and shovels the last bit of dirt over it – I’d like him to stand there with his sister or brother and not feel alone. Orphaned. I want him to have what I had – a sibling. Even if we are not close in proximity, I know where he is. I get him. I support him in the dark times. I love him. I just want my son to have what I had and if that is selfish, so be it.

Meanwhile, I’m going to get back to sorting my needles for the next IVF and, of course, drop down to my knees and thank the universe for my little guy who most recently told me “mommy, you are beautiful”. All those injections were worth it and I’d do it again and again.

So NYT – you suck. I hope you go bankrupt – oh wait, you already are. My bad.

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Back…IVF #9 with CGH Microarray (part 2)

Sorry for leaving some of you hanging. I had to take a break for a number of reasons.

We got our CGH Microarray results back from the 8 embryos we had on ice (from CCRM and the clinic I go to in NYC – I did IVF #8 there in June which I will update on later – had those four sent out to join the other CCRM four an all were tested) ……..and we have one normal embryo – in fact, it was our only blastocyst and it was a day 6 blastocyst which is a bit behind. The other 7 were massively abnormal, poor things. So, I decided to try another cycle locally to hopefully get a few more embryos to ship out to CCRM and then do another cycle in February….but that was a complete disaster. Microdose lupron, measurable follicle on day 2!!! I stimmed for 6 days and then triggered and converted to an IUI. BFN. No surprise there.

I went on birth control pills right after since I had developed massive cysts….and then decided it was time to go back to CCRM. I’m approaching 42 and I don’t have the luxury of time on my side. I have a good chance with one CGH normal (60%) but I want a GREAT chance which only 2 normal embryos will give me (70 %). Selfish, I know.

For this cycle we did things very differently – I started saizen (human growth hormone) and microdose lupron for two days and then started 300 gonal F and 2 amps of menopur combined with dexamethazone. What a response – the stim was rather fast – 9 days total or so and I produced 11 eggs – 8 of which were mature and fertilized normally. I was shocked as I never respond like this – my very best cycle to date and I think I credit the saizen…. Day 3 and all of them were right on target with one over achiever at 12 cells. Yesterday on day 5 they called to say that they had 3 early blasts and 3 great looking morulas. Somehow between last night and today most of them arrested and I am now left with a grade 5AA blast and a 3AB blast to biopsy. So down to 2. Beats the one I had last time which was thankfully normal.

I don’t know whether to be happy or gear up for IVF #10. I guess I’ll wait for the results (probably by mid Jan) and maybe go back on the pill to suppress all the crazy things my ovaries do after an IVF.

On the emotional front, I’m not feeling so great. Not sure how I am going to be able to handle it if this doesn’t work. I began looking at donor eggs and found one woman whose baby photo looked just like me. But I don’t know if I can do that. I always told myself that it wouldn’t matter – and deep in my heart I know it wouldn’t but I will move heaven and earth to make this happen with my own eggs. I only wish I had found CCRM when I was 40 and not 41.

So there is my update and now we wait…….